


Forget Me Not

by z0mbieshake



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, M/M, Moving On, Purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 20:01:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6391327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/z0mbieshake/pseuds/z0mbieshake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the afterlife, Pan drives his only source of happiness away with cruel words and malice. Filled with regret, Peter searches for Felix and swears to make things right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forget Me Not

**Author's Note:**

> Or in other words, why Pan disappears suddenly in the show. I've been dying to write an afterlife AU and Once 5B pretty much made this possible for me. Subject to change, at least if more details about Once's Purgatory come up and I want to integrate them in but in-all, this is how I wanted it to go. Enjoy!

"You again?" Pan scoffed, one arm resting on the front counter as the little bell jingled and Felix stepped in, "What do you want?"

Despite his barbed tone, Felix nonchalantly browsed his collection, noting the multitude of magical artifacts he had hoarded in the pawn shop, "Who did you kick out to get this place to yourself?"

"You asked me that two days ago," Peter growled, folding his arms and rolling his eyes, "Stop trying to make conversation. You know I'm not in the mood."

As he commanded, Felix remained quiet, examining the pair of puppets on the front pedestal. He lifted one in his hands, narrowing his eyes as he noted the incredible amount of detail that was put into them. He played with the jaw, noting how the hinge was broken so the puppets were stuck with expressions of gaping horror by default.

"Don't touch that!" Pan snarled, "You're just going to break it."

Felix immediately retracted his hand, simply leaning in to examining the puppets. Pan couldn't understand why Felix was so amused by his collection. He'd gone through it a million times. His optimism was _grating_ his nerves. He cleared his throat loudly when Felix moved towards his son's straw doll. He scowled when Felix backed off right away, simply finding something else to peruse silently. His submission was also starting to grate on his nerves. Pan tapped at the counter with his nails, silently fuming at his friend's contentment. It wasn't fair, not when Pan felt like he was rotting away.

Vulnerability flashed in his eyes for just a moment and Felix caught it right away. His lips fell open, words ready but hesitant, "Peter?" He said, a small smile even when Pan glared at him, "It's almost lunch time. Do you want me to pick up something for you to eat? The diner's serving gingerbread."

Pan's laughter was dry and harsh, more like choking than actual laughter, "There's no _time_ in this world. We can't die of starvation in _purgatory_ and even if we could, everything tastes and smells like nothing. How _stupid_ are you?"

Felix cast his eyes down for just a brief second before making eye contact with Pan once more, "Just a suggestion."

Why wasn't he seething? Why couldn't he fight and scream and hate? It drove Pan mad, growling with each breath as he glowered at Felix. His Lost Boy looked to him, frowning before he spoke, "Are you okay?"

"No," Peter hissed, "I'm dead, remember? And you are too which just doesn't make sense. It's _miserable_ here without taste, without smells, without _anything_. The voices and demons just whispering into my ears every single fucking day. It's a never-ending nightmare," He struck the counter with his palms, "Every day, I see you come in and you look like you're having the time of your fucking life. How are you so fucking happy? Why aren't you miserable like everyone else?"

Ranting, fuming, full of suffering and anger, Felix could see it clearly on Pan's face. He moved around the counter, taking Pan into his arms, holding him close and it felt _so good_ , Pan nearly softened in his closeness. He swore he could feel the heat from his skin despite the impossibilities set by purgatory.

 "I'm not miserable," Felix murmured, "Because I have you."

"… _What the hell does that mean?_ " Pan snarled, shoving the boy back and watching as Felix's inner joy finally snuffed, "Don't be so _disgustingly_ saccharine. Why would you-" He paused, eyes narrowing as he realized exactly what he needed to attack. He laughed, cruel and dry, just like he used to when he confronted the Darlings, "You think I love you because I killed you to cast the curse, don't you?"

Felix was silent, sullen, unable to make eye contact.

Pan let out another bark of laughter, "Do you honestly think I could love someone like you? I don't even know why you were the _thing_ I loved most. Sounds like a waste to me," He backed from the counter, folding his arms while Felix crumbled before him, "Get out. I never want to see your face ever again."

Obediently, Felix backed away slowly, eyes glued to the floor as he opened the door and left.

When the bell at the door finally stopped, Pan backed away from the counter slowly, hitting the opposite wall and covering his face. He wouldn't let anyone see his weakness, especially not Felix. He blocked out his memories of Neverland, memories of a better time when he had everything and his boys weren't pathetic and homesick. If he thought about them, if he acknowledged that he had lost the biggest game of all, he'd be accepting that purgatory was his home forever.

If he accepted Felix's love after centuries of toying with him, it'd be accepting that his life would never be the same.

Pan scoffed to himself at the thought, sweeping his hair back anxiously. Felix was always his punching bag, not his lover. The boy was a _fool_ , pining for him despite all the tricks and games. He was a pawn, a toy, just like the Darlings and the rest of the boys. That was why he was his favourite, the 'one he loved most', because he was the toy that never broke and never learned.

He smiled, laughing mirthlessly. It was such a simple concept; he didn't understand why Felix never figured it out. He pushed himself off the wall, wandering the pawn shop. Felix would be back the next day and the next, still the same idiot as when he was alive. Pan waited at the counter, waited for the artificial time to pass and for the bell to jingle at his door.

But no one came.

 

The days and weeks passed but they felt like eternities, time incomprehensible in purgatory so artificial measurements taken from the land of the living were used. _No one entered the pawn shop_. Pan ended up wandering around the front himself, playing with the trinkets while waiting for the bell to ring. He eyed the door, noted the lost souls wandering around, but still no Felix.

_You love him yet you spurn him._

_He's never coming back. You're all alone now._

Pan twitched violently in bed, sitting up quickly and tossing his blanket off of him. The voices had kept him awake all night. It was getting worse and worse, every day Felix didn't visit him and Pan was left to wallow in his thoughts. He brought his knees to his chest, shutting his eyes and begging for the voices to leave him be.

"I didn't mean it," Pan whispered to no one, realizing how cruel he had been to Felix. No wonder the boy ran off, tired off his constant abuse and undeserved hatred. His misery and his inability to swallow his own frustrations cost him his only companion. He swung his legs over the side, scrubbing his face with his hands. He wasn't going to wait for Felix today; he was going to him for once.

Pan left his jacket off, opting for a simple dress shirt to give him more flexibility. He stepped out of his pawn shop and immediately cringed. The air was acrid and dry like the desert. The sky's garish colour was hard to look at. It reminded him of the Dark Hollow but instead of a rich, crimson colour, the skies were sickly and dull. The lost souls stared at him as he walked past them, all their purpose and identities lost after eternities of wandering. Pan grunted as he pushed them out of his way, hoping not to see _Felix_ amongst them.

Shoving open the door to the diner, Peter marched towards the counter where he saw a giant stack of gingerbread, "Have you seen Felix?" He furrowed his brow when the owner of the diner approached him, a blind woman dressed in velvet curls and lace, who looked like she would fit right in with the Evil Queen in her gothic castle.

"Felix?" The woman cooed as if the name gave her pleasure, "Mmm, the boy who smelled like trees and dirt?" She reached behind the counter, lifting a plate of stale gingerbread cookies wrapped in cellophane with a note stuck on top, "He is such a nice boy. Asked me to bake him cookies for his friend."

Peter winced, staring at the plate of cookies and unable to stop himself from imagining himself with Felix, sitting at the steps of his store snacking on cookies leisurely. _No_ , instead, he shunned him and scared him off, "Is he coming to pick them up?"

The woman pouted, shaking her head in an almost cute manner, "He was supposed to weeks ago. Such a disappointment. I worked so hard too," She sighed, putting the cookies back under the counter as she approached a second customer, steps delicate like a mouse.

Reaching under the counter while the woman was distracted, Pan retrieved the plate of cookies and took the note off the top. The writing was crude, a simple list of what shapes he had wanted for the cookies. _10 stars, 5 trees, 2 skulls, 4 hearts._ He crushed the note in his hands and left the cookies on the counter, casting a locater spell and following the paper ball into the woods.

 

The crumpled paper led him into the trees, as expected. Felix had only experienced the modern life for a brief day inside of a dank cell. It was natural that he'd make a home in the trees in the afterlife. The paper led him deeper and deeper until the sunlight was blotted out by the tree tops. By the side of a cliff, Peter saw his campsite.

Pan gasped when his ankle was caught on a piece of twine. He backed up, noting the made tripwire tied to an almost perfectly concealed net. He smiled a bit, stepping over the wire and carefully looking out for traps. This was definitely Felix's campsite.

The paper fluttered through the air before straightening itself out, attaching itself back into a notepad that sat by the fire. Pan furrowed his brow at the sight, surveying the empty campsite and unable to find his lost boy, "Felix!" He called out. There was no reply, no movement in the trees. The locator spell should have brought him to Felix. Instead, it brought him to his empty home.

Strangest of all, the voices had stopped and for once in a long while, Pan was completely devoid of whispers in his thoughts.

"Felix?" He called out again, checking the tent and finding only an empty bedroll and a small chest. It smelled of dirt, dust, and open air just like everything else in the camp. Pan nudged at the ashes in the campfire, feeling no heat whatsoever.

Pan wasn't giving up. Concentrating on his shop, Pan picked out exactly what trinket he needed to find Felix. He lifted his hands, smiling when he felt a rope materialize in his palms. _The Forget-Me-Knot_ , an artifact from Wonderland that allowed him to peer into the past which someone foolishly set to fire. _Not so foolishly, perhaps_ , as it let Pan access this object from the afterlife.

"Bring me back to the day I last saw Felix," Peter said, watching the artifact glow as it acknowledged his command.

He unravelled the rope, widening the noose and holding it in front of the camp. His heart sank at the sight of Felix, _crumpled over by the campfire_ , mumbling to himself.

"You don't know what you're talking about. He loves me most. He proved it. You're lying to me," Felix muttered. Pan almost thought he was talking to him given that the camp was empty save for his lost boy, "You're always lying. I know the truth. I know him better than you ever had," _The voices_ , they were speaking to Felix as well. With how content Felix always appeared, Pan would have never guessed it, "Shut up!" Felix whipped his head up, standing and wandering in circles, trying to find the phantoms speaking to him, "You don't know him. He always says things he doesn't mean!"

Pan flinched. _Always?_ All those centuries of cruel words came back to Pan. Every time he was unbearably cruel, Felix always shrugged it off and Pan never thought anything more of it, malice simply a means to entertain himself.

"You'll see," Felix choked out, on the verge of tears, "He'll apologize. He'll take me back. Then I'll be the one laughing."

Felix fell back onto the log he was sitting on, reaching into a sack to his left for gingerbread cookies. Peter watched him, crouching in the dirt with the Forget-Me-Knot still hanging in front of him. He almost laughed at how messily Felix ate the cookies, crumbs all over his face till he suddenly stopped, eyes wide and sad.

Pan didn't understand until he saw Felix spit out the cookies and throw his entire stash into the fire. His lost boy stood from the fire, backing away from it and pacing, "I'm not stupid," He whispered to the voices in his head.

_How stupid are you?_

"I didn't mean it," Peter muttered, watching Felix pace back and forth, haunted by the phantoms who wouldn't stop reminding him of Pan's cruelty, "Felix!" He shouted, reaching into the image within the Forget-Me-Knot and flinching when it flickered away.

For hours, Felix sat around in his camp, occasionally napping, but always getting disturbed or awakened by an unknown force. When he could no longer fall asleep, Felix fixed his sweater and left his campsite. Peter followed close with the Forget-Me-Knot, following Felix's phantom out of the woods and into the city.

"What…" Peter muttered as Felix approached the pawn shop. He hadn't seen Felix at all; what was he doing here?

Peering into the windows through the rope, Peter could see the shop was empty. Most likely he was sleeping in the back. Felix pushed the door open carefully, catching the bell at the top of the door frame before letting himself in and lowering the bell back in its place.

Felix was crouched by the counter, quietly looking for something. The boy had circled this store a thousand times, finding anything to distract himself from Pan's cruel comments. He knew exactly where everything would be and it took him merely a minute to find what he needed: A small metal vial. Pan couldn't recognize what that was but Felix knew right away. It must've been something he had collected long ago.

Using the same careful method he used to enter without being noticed, Felix exited the pawn shop and nearly sprinted away, looking back almost fearfully. Pan couldn't understand and his confusion only worsened when he saw Felix at the edge of the woods, crouching beside a large, rotting stump, _burying the vial in the dirt._

Pan lowered the enchanted knot, crouching at the same spot Felix was and testing the dirt with his hands. He scratched at the dirt till his fingers were raw, finally unearthing the metal vial and immediately feeling the magic radiating from it. From the flowery patterns, Pan recognized what this was right away.

"Ale of Seonaidh," Pan muttered. It took one cup in the living world to summon the spirit of anyone that passed on. In this world, it took merely a drop. He had tested this out on his ex-wife shortly after he took over the pawn shop. The ale certainly worked and Felix was there to witness it.

Felix hid it away from him; Felix didn't want to be found.

 _Or_ , was it a test? Pan turned the vial in his hands, imagining Felix's fingers on the bottle. If Pan found this vial, this meant he cared enough to look for Felix. It would mean he understood his mistakes and wanted to make things right. _Felix was testing him_. He had to be.

"I'm coming," Pan said, tucking the vial into his front pocket before sprinting away, "I'll find you."

 

_Felix is beyond forgiving you._

_It's a hopeless endeavor._

"Shut up!" Pan screamed, whipping his head around looking for the phantoms that spoke to him. He blinked, barely aware of where he was: _The cemetery,_ with a vial of enchanted ale in his hands. He looked at the ground, eyeing the tombstone with a single name engraved upon it: _Felix_. Pan wondered if his own grave would say _Peter Pan_ or _Malcolm._

Lips turned in a small smile, Peter ran a finger down the crooked scar slashed across Felix's stone, mimicking the scar on his face down to the tinier cut perpendicular to the main one. Did all gravestones resemble their owners? He never knew this was a trait.

Popping the lid, Pan swallowed his pride and poured the contents over the grave. He waited, watching as the sunset basked him in golden, heatless light, "Well?" Pan called out, crossing his arms and waiting, "Stop ignoring me. I know you can hear me," He shouted, kicking at the dirt, "Felix!"

No answer.

Pan  huffed loudly, limbs slacking at his side, "Felix. I'm sorry. I didn't mean all those things I said. I'm just…miserable and I-" He cut himself off with a sigh, feeling insincere despite his honest attempts to be, "Come visit me tomorrow. I'll tell you about how I kicked out the last owner," He bit his lip but continued on, "I want to see you again. I miss you."

The wind howled suddenly, sounding like a scream.

Pan lowered his brows, staring at Felix's grave and still seeing nothing, "Felix?"

A breeze struck him like a fist to his stomach, throwing him backwards into another grave behind him. He choked as he tumbled onto the floor, the breath knocked out of him and a handful of dirt flying into his face. He blinked quickly, focusing on the grave before him and seeing a shadow flickering in the light.

"Felix?" He called out, scrambling to his feet only to be kicked back down. The phantom was bulkier, shorter, _violent against Peter Pan_ , absolutely nothing like Felix. It soon faded away, leaving Pan all alone in the cemetery.

He had seen the Ale of Seonaidh working. It could summon any spirit in purgatory and paradise. Was Felix somehow resisting the ale? Perhaps he had found some magic to cloak himself from the ale but then why would he need to hide--

The voices stopped when Pan's thoughts had aligned with theirs. Eyes searched the cemetery, finding some stones turned over and others with scars upon it just like Felix's. Pan finally realized what he had driven Felix to do.

 

The stone was blackened from the flames. Pan could hear the fire crackling under him, sounding like wails of agony and suffering. This was where poor souls would dispose of themselves when they were unable to move onto a better life, letting flames consume them and end their suffering. Pan hoped with all his heart that this was not where Felix ended his journey.

_But where else could he be?_

The Forget-Me-Knot was coarse in his grasp, digging into his flesh when he clenched it tight. Please, please, _please_ , do not let this be Felix's resting place. Unravelling the rope, Pan held the hoop before him and peered into the past where his beloved Lost Boy stood, teetering over the edge of the abyss.

"No…" Peter choked out, watching Felix peer into the flames.

 _It was a long journey_. Somehow, Felix knew he'd end up here, waiting for his death-beyond-death. His soul, his heart, everything would return to dust. The broken path before him was taunting him, showing the way to a better life had Pan reciprocated his affection, had his conflicted feelings for Pan not gotten in the way. _Pan loves me. He really does. I need him. I need him to keep going. I need him to need me._

The fires rose and crackled like lightning, darting through the air as if it had a mind of its own. A torrent of flame flashed past him, singeing the front of his sweater. _It didn't hurt though._ There was a softness to the touch, a refreshing gentleness like diving headfirst into the Mermaid Lagoon during a sweltering day or sharing drinks by a campfire with friends.

A sob choked in Felix's throat. He hung his head as the flames crept towards him, begging to claim him.

"Felix."

The Lost Boy leader's eyes snapped open. Felix looked up, gaping when he saw _Rufio_ standing at the opposite side of the bridge, "W-What…" He muttered, "But you-"

"Died?" Rufio smirked, "Haven't we all?"

At the remark, Felix laughed and Peter almost swooned at the sound. The flames pulled back, the wailing stopped, "You're on the other side."

"I had no regrets. I died fighting for the Lost Boys and in my very last moments, _you were holding me_ ," Rufio said, not a lick of pain as he recalled his final moments, "But you have something holding you back," He paused, staring at Felix briefly before his smile faded, " _Someone_ holding you back."

Finally with someone who would listen to him in this crimson hell, Felix poured out all of his pain. His words were choppy, interrupted by sobs and hesitation, but Rufio waited patiently, taking in everything. If Felix had died fighting for Pan, died with Pan's reassurance that he did well, Felix would have crossed over already. Instead, _Pan killed him_ and worst of all, he declared that Felix was the one he loved most. The curse proved it, his heart triggering the magical smoke that covered the land. It was the last thing Felix saw before his soul departed from the material world.

_What did it all meant? Why did I have to die?_

"He said he didn't love me. Said that he could never love someone like me," Felix said, voice wispy, "I don't understand. I was with him for centuries. He killed me for his curse and I'll still do anything-" He shut his eyes, breathing slowly to calm himself, "… anything to make him happy."

"Until you let Peter go, you'll never be able to cross over," Rufio said, looking back at the ethereal white light illuminating the back of the cave.

"There's another way. If he takes it back, if he takes me back, we both can-" Felix choked out, staring at Rufio and being responded simply with a solemn look.

Rufio spoke quietly, almost fearfully, "You know he won't. He's a spoiled brat who thinks he's entitled to you. Until he loses you for good, until there's no going back, he won't acknowledge you as anything more than a punching bag or a _toy_ for his amusement," He extended a hand, reaching for him across the flames and misery, "Let him go. Forget about him and come with me."

  _Let Pan go?_ After centuries of Pan being his world?

Felix was never good at following orders that didn't come from Pan, "I can't do it, Rufio. I can't let him go. Not after everything," The flames scorched the ceiling, rushing around relentlessly, searing Felix's skin and clothes while Rufio remained unscathed. Felix crumpled into himself, skin smarting with pain, "I need him even if he doesn't need me. _I'm sorry._ "

Rufio stared at him, broken but quiet, "It's okay. Everything will be okay."

Scorching flames engulfed Felix, searing away all that made him mortal. His hair was tossed by the blazing inferno, liquid gold under its red-hot glow. His clothes fell to the ground in embers and sparks; _his flesh followed after_. Like a firework, Felix blazed brilliantly, an inferno bursting from his form. Peter could barely keep his eyes on him, the light from the Forget-Me-Knot blinding.

In the last moment, when his flesh was peeling off his skin, blackened by heat and flames, _Felix looked at Peter_. He spoke no words but Pan could hear it, Felix pleading for Peter Pan, yearning in his eyes. Felix stared at the entrance, at the pitch black stone, _waiting for Pan to come and save him._

Flesh ignited, skin like brimstone, Felix burst into flames without even a scream.

_It wasn't a test at all._

 

Staring at the little bell at the front of his store, Peter waited patiently for someone to visit. _Someone, anyone._ He begged for someone to break his solitude. He had begged for Rufio to appear at his turned over grave, wanted someone to talk about Felix with. The boy had appeared but he refused to talk, simply staring at him with utter disdain for destroying his best friend.

All of the magical artifacts he had collected in purgatory, petty attempts to build a power base all for himself. He didn't realized how empty it was when he had no one to admire it for simply being there. The never-ending loneliness, the guilt that would never fade away, with no one to share his pain, Pan finally understood that the misery could get so much worse.

"Felix, love," He called out into the empty store, "Come visit me tomorrow. I'll tell you about how I kicked out the last owner. It's a really funny story. You'll like it," He stared eagerly at the little bell, desperate to hear its delicate ring and see his beloved Lost Boy step through the doors. He gripped at the bundle of rope in his hands, the Forget-Me-Knot worn and fraying from overuse, "I want to see you again. I miss you."

_But no one came._


End file.
